那就这样吧

Which do you prefer?

The beauty of blurry dream or maybe a more precise reality?
For almost a month, I had been feeling rather awful and this makes Jason feel worse. He has not been living well..really.Not that I thought he would be.
Every since an appearance of someone new but then not, everything seemed to swirl into a badly twisted situation.

I played a big part or rather the whole part. I made the mistake from the start and I still am making the mistake.
I can't let go of a dream and I chose the precise reality. That is how heart and mind functions.

Yesterday...I dunno what striked me but I finally found the courage to talk to Jason.
We were sitting at the cooling Padang,facing the stupid commercial buildings. We talked, a heart breaking conversation.

I made a decision.
A decision that could be right or wrong.
It broke his heart. I never think it could be harder than I thought to be accept. A decision that would perhaps save me and him.

It could have be breaking up but we didn't. I wanted us to go back a stage.
I wanted us to be friends.
I thought if we have no dates, we could still go out together. Catch a movie, have a dinner. One stage that we had missed before I chose to head into a relationship with him.

This would perhaps buy me some time. Some time to reconsider my feelings, some time before I have an answer.

When I said this out, I felt a sense of relief. I felt pain too.
There is a distance we walked without holding hands like...2 friends.
I can never put to words the kinda pain that we bore during that distance walked.

How to say? This pair of hands were held for close to 4 years? Become strangers suddenly is so painful.

I guess this is not possible. From lovers to friends...it's not viable, at least not all of the sudden.

But I guess this decision is not reversible. Somethings, when you decide, it is only right that you stick to the plan.

I am only worried about Jason but I know he will always let me choose the ending. With or without him, I must choose the ending which I will not regret.

I can't let his decision goes down the drain. Avoiding will not help and I have been hiding for 4 years. I am not devoid of feelings for Jason but I must decide which matters more eventually.

I hope before I have come up with an answer, the decision I made is helpful. Maybe I headed to this relationship too soon that I missed up something. Perhaps that something would have complete us. I guess this would help me cos' I know no matter what I'd choose, I have no longer let anyone down and not myself.

Maybe yes, maybe no.

Life is full of opportunity costs and you can't have best of both worlds.

So ya...I hope this decision marks the end of this chapter and then bring forth a new beginning.

So much for all the sad emotional talks lately, let me show you some pics.

I was all baked under the town's sun yesterday and grrr..every cafe is so damn packed that I can't find a place to fill my stomach.

Finally settled at McCafe at Shaw.=/ But this pic just looks YUM!

This is Triple Decker. Tasted so so but looks otherwise.

See? I told you. Looks are deceiving.

@ Padang when the skies are turning grey.

Of yea...A seemly cool and manly( and not bad looking) guy tried to hit on me when I was waiting for Jason!

He appeared from nowhere and suddenly asked me(while I was messaging)..."Cuse' me..You alone?" I was speechless and a lil startled. "You waiting for someone?" I told him I was and he goes,"Oh...ok..." and sadly turned his head to leave.

This situation I would end with a LO.L. Duh..

This the romantic Clarke Quay with two emotions overloaded, me & Vonx. Unfortunately I bumped onto 2 sec school seniors. Just detested the making talks..yurks. 60th G.B anniversary? Gimme a break.

Von & I ditched the salad diet plan and indulged in calories from Coffee Club. Just romantic.

For all my friends who worried, Thank you and once more, Sorry.

I still am living with a bite of fish cake.